Then what was the epiphany you ask? Ok, if your gonna beg I suppose I'll tell you. I had the challenge/blessing of babysitting (with another sitter) 6 kids. Only six you say? I'll throw in there that two of them are type 1 diabetic and are absolutely precious but also require a quite a bit more attention. The nights can be sleepless because when your pancreas doesn't function its hard to stabilize growing babes blood sugar. I have been exhausted and this week has taken a toll on me without a doubt.
Yet, I have been moved by the innocence of these kids. Yes they fight and are selfish and whiney and human but they are absolutely of greater worth than gold. Their joy is so pure it pulls life from deep within my dry bones. Their spirits and blind trust give me a picture of the Lord's heart for his children.
Trusting without abandon is not number one on my list of things to do. How do I even begin to trust God with some of the stuff in my life....to me it feels so, well important and big. Silly Kaylee, he is a trustworthy God, a good dad. He isn't going to hurt me: He may allow my life to have parts that hurt, but he is shaping me into the image of his son. These kids don't focus on the hurt, they focus on the adventure and the joy. Dax, the youngest fell 4 times that day. He got banged up pretty good, but as soon as I held him and told him he was ok, he believed me and ran back to what he calls "the forrest" to play.
I know that my heavenly papa is like that. He says Kaylee this hurts in the moment, but its going to be ok there is still adventure even if it stings a little, but I'm gonna grow new skin there, better skin. I really wish I could say this is so engraved in me that I don't doubt. The truth is I find myself questioning him with lots of circumstances in my life. My pastor Jeremy says that asking God why is an invalid question that makes you an invalid (in -vah- lid). Thats the truth. Deep in my heart I know that why isn't the right response to my circumstances. Instead, it's thank you for loving me enough to make me like your son.
Trying to wind down before bedtime that night, Amy, the second sitter, played worship music on her guitar. As I sat in the living room atop a mountain with 6 of life's most precious gifts, I felt tears form in my eyes. The innocent voices sang "bless the Lord oh my soul" at the top of their lungs. I felt the presence of the Most High thick in the room. He showed me what a privilege it was to care for his beloveds. He showed me how he sees me that night: a pure, innocent babe that is his delight.
